Finding Faith
Truth and Conflicts
By Cynthia Bailey-Rug
Jan 30, 2007 - 8:20:49 AM

About the author:  Cynthia Bailey-Rug lives just outside of Annapolis, MD with her husband, 9 cats, 3 dogs, 1 guinea pig and a parakeet.  She is a freelance writer, specializing in Christian articles.  She also runs a website for Christian women with a friend.  See her site (along with articles, and contact information) at http://PrincessWives.tripod.com

John 8:32   "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."   (NIV)

  Recently, my husband and I had a disagreement.   I felt he should have offered me emotional support when he didn't, and I yelled at him for not being there for me.   Not exactly my proudest moment as a wife.   Anyway, later in the evening after my yelling, God began to get my attention.   He reminded me of how badly I acted earlier in the day towards my husband.   How hateful and spoiled I had acted.   I saw myself through my husband's eyes, and I didn't like what I saw.   I cried and repented.   But, that wasn't the really amazing part...

  After I repented of my actions, God reminded me of something very important in dealing with disagreements in relationships.   (Any relationship, not only marriage).   When I first felt angry that my husband wasn't supportive enough, instead of flying off the handle, I should have gotten in prayer.   The situation wasn't terribly serious, so I should have asked God why was I reacting this way?   What triggered this unjustifiable anger?   What was the truth in this situation?   So, better late than never, I did ask God these questions.   He reminded me that in my life, I have not been able to depend on many people for emotional support.   In fact, more often than not, I was the one who people depended on for support without offering any in return during my times of need.   I was angry about feeling as if I always had to be "the strong one," so I took that anger out on my husband!   I cannot put into words how deeply this affected me!   My anger at him was suddenly put into perspective- yes, it would have been nice if he would have been there for me, but he wasn't.   I handled the situation fine without his assistance, no harm done.  

  So now what to do with this knowledge, I wondered.

  First, I repented (again).   I told God how sorry I was for unfairly taking anger out on my husband.   Then, I asked God for more truth- was it really necessary for me always to be available to these people?   He said no- that is His job, and if I am not up to the task, then I need to set (and enforce) boundaries.   I felt a weight lift off my shoulders immediately!   I was also able to release that anger at those who had relied on me so much.   I didn't tell them no, so I allowed them to use me!   How could I be angry at them when I was partly responsible for their mistreatment of me?   Then, I apologized to my husband and explained what God showed me.   He forgave me immediately, I am happy to say.  

  As much as I detest disagreements, I am glad this one happened.   It reminded me of important steps to take when there are disagreements in relationships:

1-   Before reacting, take a moment to get alone with God.   Ask questions like, "Why am I reacting so strongly?   Is there a deeper issue?   What is the truth?"

2-   Listen for an answer.   God doesn't always speak in obvious ways, He may bring memories to the surface, or speak to you through a song, someone on television, or even a book.   However He chooses to speak to you, you will know in your heart it is Him.

3-   Repent of any bad behavior on your part to God, and ask Him to help you change so you don't do it again.

  4- Ask for forgiveness from the other person.   In the story I mentioned above, I told my husband that I was sorry for how I spoke to him, but not for what I said.   You have a right to make your feelings known, but not in an abusive way.   Yelling was not appropriate, but telling him I need his support sometimes was.

  I pray this information blesses you like it has me!