Warning
(apologies to Jenny Joseph)
I am an old woman.
Anything
purple makes my skin sallow.
Red hats with brims are lovely; however,
I look like "Frito Bandito" in hats of any kind.
I'd love to spend my pension money on brandy
But I cannot imbibe for health reasons.
Forget the satin sandals, for I wear a size 12.
We have money for butter, but I don't use it anymore;
I'd much rather save it for
Vegas (the money, not the butter).
I do gobble up samples at "Sam's."
The only 'alarm' bells' I press are my husband's when I'm ready to move again.
I had no sobriety in my youth...I wanted to have fun and I had it.
I wore 'Crocks' last fall in the rain,slipped, and almost ruined a trip.
I picked every flower from a neighbor's garden when I was seven
But I have never, ever spit.
My shirts are not Donatella Versace, and plumpness is me.
I prefer crisp bacon to sausage.
I've given up bread, and pickles give me acid reflux
I don't hoard. I get rid of boxed junk at garage sales.
I pay the mortgage and I swear each time that I do.
It's kind of late to set an example for my children...they swear too.
I don't like having people for dinner anymore, particularly
But I read a lot of papers
I'm tired of practicing...
I'm growing older by the minute
I want to hear, see, touch, and have it all.
People who know me expect no less
I am an old woman, and purple is not my color.
Pam Munson Steadman, @2007
